David，這篇有寫滿 150 字，七個項目也都有提到，資料大致正確。問題不是你看不懂圖，而是英文句型和搭配詞一直扣分。
預估分數：Band 5.0
| 評分項目 | 預估 | 原因 |
|---|---|---|
| Task Achievement | 5.5 | 有 Overview、有比較，也涵蓋全部資料，但主要特徵表達不夠精準 |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 5.0 | 有分段，但句子之間的連接較生硬，部分句子過長 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 | 有使用 proportion, expenditure, increase, decrease，但許多搭配不自然 |
| Grammar | 4.5 | 主詞動詞一致、單複數、時態及句型錯誤較多 |
| Overall | 約 5.0 | 嚴格評分可能落在 4.5–5.0 |
最需要修正的地方
1. Introduction 不自然
你的句子：
Two pie chats show the students' expenditures on average of the proportion at the university...
問題：
chats→chartsexpenditures on average of the proportion語序錯誤題目是大學生平均支出的「比例」
改成：
The two pie charts compare the average proportions of university students’ expenditure in 2000 and 2010.
expenditure 在這裡通常當不可數名詞使用。
2. Overview 太複雜，而且有拼字錯誤
你的句子：
the 3 parts of proportion were no any changed expect...
expect是「期待」except才是「除了」were no any changed不成立不需要在 Overview 列出所有項目
比較好的 Overview：
Overall, food and drink accounted for the largest proportion in both years, while utilities represented the second-largest category. Clothing experienced the most significant decrease, whereas spending on utilities and eating out increased.
這個 Overview 已經包含三個核心特徵：
最大項目
最大下降
主要上升項目
3. 幾個常見錯誤要直接換掉
| 你的寫法 | 正確自然寫法 |
|---|---|
| there were no any change | there was no change / the figure remained unchanged |
| Compare with two charts | Comparing the two charts / A comparison of the charts shows that |
| the second approximately parts | the second-largest category |
| it’s increase | it increased |
| through the decade | over the decade |
| a little growing up | increased slightly |
| short growing 1% | rose slightly by one percentage point |
| the most different decreased part | the category with the largest decrease |
| fall down to | fell to |
| Eating out expenditures segment were | Spending on eating out was |
注意：
from 8% to 9% = increased by one percentage point
不是一般所說的 increased by 1%。在 IELTS 圖表題中，寫 one percentage point 更精準。
Band 6.0–6.5 改寫版
The two pie charts compare the average proportions of expenditure by university students in 2000 and 2010.
Overall, food and drink at home accounted for the largest proportion of student spending in both years, while utilities were the second-largest category. Clothing showed the most substantial decrease, whereas the proportions spent on utilities and eating out increased.
In both 2000 and 2010, students spent 29% of their total expenditure on food and drink at home. Similarly, the figures for sports and cultural activities and holidays remained unchanged, at 17% and 5% respectively. Spending on utilities increased considerably from 21% in 2000 to 27% in 2010.
The proportion spent on eating out doubled from 4% to 8% over the ten-year period. Transport expenditure also rose slightly, from 8% to 9%. By contrast, clothing experienced the most significant fall, dropping sharply from 16% in 2000 to just 5% in 2010.
這篇約 165 字，結構很清楚：
第一段：改寫題目
第二段：Overview
第三段：不變項目＋utilities
第四段：其他增加項目＋最大下降
這題最值得背的 6 個句塊
accounted for the largest proportion
represented the second-largest category
remained unchanged at 17%
increased considerably from 21% to 27%
rose slightly by one percentage point
dropped sharply from 16% to just 5%
你現在真正需要做的，不是再背更多副詞，而是把這六個句型寫到完全不會錯。這篇的資料分析其實已有 Band 6 的思路，主要是文法和搭配詞把分數壓到約 Band 5。
