David's IELTS writing Task 2 practice 01

 IELTS writing Task 2 goal Band 7

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Topic: 

Some Parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages of a child having number of toys?

Answer:

Getting the new generation and techonlolgy changing fasting, a lots of toys design categories for child are very divergence lead to parents getting confusing and stuck hard to choice buy the right toys to educating or just for fun for their kids.

A Good toy will enhance parent-kids wealth relationship and more getting smart brain, for example, when all family member playing the board game. Through the gaminfactional design the fancy processing, limitations barriers not only improving child they could learning obey social rules and more empathy and respect others but also stimulating the kid’s brain for more creativity and problem solving. Sometime it’s also a very good tools for changing be happy for whole family atomsphere.

Furthermore, if there always let kid using many online games or apps through parents’ smartphone, desktop computer monitor screen, they are all disadvantage and getting broken they mindset and body especially eyes. They are so many science evidence and reports verifying, when using IT device in front of screen long time,kid’s conigtive function will geting nervous, worry and the others positive behaviors.

To conclude, if the perspective view changing from the “good toys could enhance kid’s brian develop to more creativity and wisdom’, Definitely parents should buy more these toys for their kids. However, the toy’s detail functions for useage is parents the first priority when buying concerned.

You’ve got some strong ideas in this essay — especially about family interaction and the difference between “good toys” and screen time — but the language is still far from Band 7.

I’ll first tell you roughly where this would score and what to fix, then give you a Band-7 style model answer you can study and imitate.

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1. Rough band estimate & main problems

Very roughly, this version is around Band 5:

• Task Response: 👍 You answer both advantages and disadvantages, but some ideas are not clear or fully developed, and examples are a bit confusing.

• Coherence & Cohesion: Paragraphs are not clearly organized; topic sentences are weak; some sentences are very long and hard to follow.

• Lexical Resource: You try to use advanced words (“gamification”, “atmosphere”, “cognitive”), which is good, but there are many spelling and collocation errors (e.g. techonlolgy, gamingfactional design, wealth relationship).

• Grammar: This is the biggest problem. Many sentences are ungrammatical (tense, articles, word order, singular/plural, subject–verb agreement).

To move towards Band 7, you need:

1. Clear 4-paragraph structure (Intro – Advantages – Disadvantages – Conclusion).

2. More accurate sentences, even if they are simpler.

3. Better linking words and clear topic sentences.

4. Fewer spelling mistakes.

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2. Band-7 style model essay (same topic)

Use this as a reference for structure, vocabulary and sentence patterns:

Question:
Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages of a child having a large number of toys?

Answer:

In many families today, children own far more toys than previous generations did. While having a wide range of toys can bring several benefits for a child’s development, there are also clear drawbacks that parents should consider.

On the positive side, a variety of toys can stimulate children’s imagination and cognitive skills. For instance, building blocks, puzzles and board games encourage problem solving, cooperation and creativity. When parents and children play together, these toys can also strengthen family relationships and create happy memories. In addition, different types of toys, such as musical instruments, art supplies and construction sets, can help children discover their interests and talents at an early age.

However, there are also significant disadvantages to owning too many toys. First, children may become easily distracted and find it difficult to focus on one activity, because there is always another toy waiting for their attention. This can reduce their ability to concentrate and persist with challenging tasks. Second, an excess of toys can encourage materialism. Children may start to value quantity over quality and constantly ask for new items, instead of appreciating what they already have. Finally, in some families, “toys” mainly mean electronic devices and mobile games. Excessive screen time has been linked to eye strain, sleep problems and weaker social skills in children.

In conclusion, a large number of toys can promote learning, creativity and family bonding, but it can also lead to poor concentration, a materialistic attitude and unhealthy screen habits. Therefore, parents should focus on choosing a smaller number of high-quality toys and guiding their children to use them in a balanced way.

(≈ 280 words)

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3. How you can use this to improve

When you rewrite your own essay, try to:

1. Copy the structure

   • Paragraph 1: introduce the topic + say there are both advantages and disadvantages.

   • Paragraph 2: 2–3 advantages + example.

   • Paragraph 3: 2–3 disadvantages + example.

   • Paragraph 4: short conclusion summarising both sides + your balanced view.

2. Borrow safe sentence patterns, for example:

   • “On the positive side, …”

   • “However, there are also significant disadvantages…”

   • “In conclusion, … therefore parents should…”

3. Simplify your grammar first.
   It is better to write a simple correct sentence than a complex wrong one:

   • ❌ Getting the new generation and techonlolgy changing fasting, a lots of toys design categories…

   • ✅ Because technology is developing so fast, there are many different types of toys on the market today.